Monday, 28 April 2014

The eyes. The secret.

Allah knows u r tired. Allah knows itz difficult. But always remember that He will never put u in the situation that u can't handle.
Yes, i know. In what situation i realize. Itz a reason behind why i was put into that situation.
I'm afraid that sometimes without me realize, the words doesnt come into my mind anymore.

For this past few years. For all the pain. For all the sickness.
I try to keep it inside my heart. 
I learned how to 'lie' about my feelings.
I tell myself to smile even the heart is crying. Even myself was suffering.

I make it diificult to anyone to read me.
Even to see the pain inside my eyes
But i know sometimes i failed.
Eyes has the amazing powers. It can tell u the secret that u want to hide it tightly
And also it cant lie sometimes.
Even u learn to be a good liar.

Dear eyes.
Please for this time, help me.
Now. U learn to prevent me from telling lies to the others
Even how struggle i am to kept the secret. To hide the true story.
Please for this time. Help me,
Help me so that nobody will see..
The truth. The pain, the sadness. 
That we, together have successfully hidden it for a long. Time.

a picture. a memory

one day u will be surprise how amazing a picture can be in future. in our life
tak tau kenapa, rasa makin sedih bila nak habis u ni. nak keluar u ni,
sedangkan sebelum ni tak sabar sangat nak habis degreee.
nak habiskan kepenatan, ke'tension'nan dan yang sewaktu dengannya.
tapi sekarang entah kenapa, bila tengok gambar2 bersama balik, rasa sangat sebak.
sebak sebab mungkin kita tak jumpa orang yang sebaik mereka itu
sebab sebab mungkin memori yang terlukis tidak seindah memori itu
sebak sebab mungkin rasa sayang antara sahabat itu tidak sekuat itu

sekarang berfikir betapa cepatnya masa berlalu.
seakan-akan hanya baru kerdipan mata pertama berlaku 
imbasan hari pertama selalu bermain.
mula2 interview. mula2 orientasi. mula2 kenal senior. mula2 kenal pensyarah. mula2 kenal pharmacy.
n sekarang. tak lama lagi. bakal berakhir.
rindu. sayang. sebak.
macam tu la kot, perasaan sekarang.
betul la orang kata kita hanya akan menghargai sesuatu bila kita kehilangannya.
tapi sekarang ni belum hilang dah sebak apa cerita?
*blurry face*

i know one day when i saw our pictures again, together, i will cried.
i 'hate' this feelings.
the feelings when i feel too close with someone.
because i know one day they will leave me, in any situation,
i 'hate' this feelings
the feelings when people around take a good care about me
because i know one day i will need their 'care' to move on, to wake up back
i 'hate' this feelings
the feelings when i love people around me
because one day i know i will miss them more than i ever thought.

but deep inside my heart, i know all the feelings that i 'hate' is somehow the feelings that make my life colorful. make my day more meaningful. n i know the 'great pictures' inside my heart with them was created with those feelings. 
thank you. deep inside my heart. for being a part of my 'great pictures'

*smile with tears*

#bpharm #memories #finalsem #finalyear #willendsoon #gonnamissthemomories #gonnamissthem 

Sunday, 27 April 2014

She is my twin. =)

my delayed post. i decided to post or write something about person around me as their birthday present.
somehow, my 'busy' time avoid me to do it. 
i supposed to post another 'story; today but since i have another delayed 'story', so we will settle it one by one. 
i want to write everything. i'm afraid one day, i will forget the 'sweetness'
itz not that i will forget them. itz just that i love read the story about them
if i let it few years more, maybe the story cant be written as sweet as now. 
=) =) =)

she has the fewest photo in my phone either in my ipad. susah nak culik tangkap gambar. 
lepas ni mungkin kena culik banyak sikit. heeee..

sebabkan nama kami hampir sama 
so, memang selalu la bila bahagi partner n kumpulan kita akan bersama.
twin gituuu..

she was a calmest person that i have ever met
which sometimes i wish i can be calm like her
she was one of strongest person that i have ever known
which make me sometimes, quietly without her or anyone knowing, i'll try to borrow some of her strength
she was one of the person that can keep her feeling deep inside her heart
which sometimes i feel that i'm not a good friend when i cant see the darkness inside her eyes.

thank you for always listen to my annoying stories.
thank you for always smile with my childish behavior
thank you for always patient with me when working with me
thank you for always give ur hand anytime when i need a help
but thank you in the first place for being a good n kind friend to me

sometimes u dont need 1001 comforting words.
what u need is only 1 words at the right time itz heals.
time heals but there are also something that really needs a lot of time to heal.
but with some words it accelerate the healing.

sometimes u are come out with 1001 comforting words.
but sometimes actually there are words that u want to hear from any person
which in the end maybe u still didnt get it

"sometimes 1000 words also cannot describe the heart. sometimes u miss someone that u can talk to soo much until when that person already in front of u but u suddenly become speechless. why? because u try to fill the short time left with the words that can describe all the feeling."

Monday, 21 April 2014

Hepy Besday Nabilah

disebabkan saya rajin nak buat karang, hari ni saya akan buat satu lagi karangan.

for my dear..

hepy birthday to my gorgeous, beutiful, kind and loving friend. (kat ig nak taip banyak sangat tak ada idea, kita sambung sini la yer)
disebabkan i tak ada hadiah untuk u, i buat ni sebagai hadiah hokay
sebagai tanda kasih sayang, gituuuu....

for this past few years,
thank you for being like a 'mum' to me
nagging me about 1001 things so that i will not repeat my mistake
thank you for being like a 'sister' to me
be with me, listen to me even when i'm in my weakest state
thank for being a good counselor to me
who give me 1001 advice which the words always touch my heart
thank for everything..

andai kata2 mampu mengungkap segala rasa hati, nescaya jejari akan terus menari
andai ceritera mampu melukis rahsia hati, nescaya akan ku layarkan sebuah kisah hati ini.

everyone have their past, make mistake, make a wrong choice.
we fall, we wake up and we run again. 
even we fall again, it doesnt matter as along as we get up as soon as possible
itz not our fault the destiny is not the same with what we want, itz not HIS fault either
thats are NO ONE fault.
itz just a life. a life that need us to make a fall, to success, to fail but then to get up again.
so that we can be a better person, a strongest person than before.
let it go, look forward and never give up
ALLAH has write u a better plan that until now we dont know
HE make u fall so that in the future the happiness will taste tastier and better than we could imagine

that past, let it go, dont hold it anymore
itz hurt and itz more painful when we still hold it
heals take times.
times will heals.
u will never be alone. 
i cant be a person who will solve ur problem, ur sadness..
but quietly i will try to follow u, 
so that i know when u need my shoulder
i will be beside u,
to give u a hand when u need me.

i'll always ask why HE give me this destiny
why HE give me pain, failure and sadness
but i dont realize
ALLAH has give me a lot of beautiful person with me
so, for what reason i'm not feel grateful to HIM

seeing a story behind a story
and then u will smile.
how beautiful story that ALLAH already create and write for me..


<3 <3 <3

Friday, 11 April 2014

A judgement

a thing that some people cant even tolerate it even some people can.
hmm. some time yes but some time i can be a 'person' who are always thinking about what people talk about me. 
thats me. in and out, i'm happy with who i am.

i'm maybe sometimes do not care what i was wearing.
thats my cloths. as long as i covered my aurah, what rights that people have to complain my cloths?
i'm maybe sometimes do not care what i was doing.
i'm not doing something that illegal. i'm not doing something that lower my dignity. n i'm not doing things that will disturb anybody. 
as one my lecturer have told, just do it. dont be shame. itz not like u will met that person again. if yes, they are your family or friend, what u should worried about? they should accept who ever u are.
thats my principle.

accept me who ever i am.
tell me if i'm doing wrong, so i can improved
but please do not judge me..
i cant be other person.
because i'm happy with myself.

#self reminder. for me. for u. for us. for all# 
Tuesday, 1 April 2014

31 March 2014

i know i should not open my blog tonite. i should not write anything tonite.
i should prepare for my clerkship tomorrow. i should sleep early to go to hospital tomorrow.
i know that. i realize that. 
but the news that we got this afternoon about tragedy last nite make my heart, my mind refuse to do what i should do. 
we cant accept it. we cant realize it. seriously we cant. all of us.
u are with us before, for almost 4 years.
even we are not talking too much but we are under the same lecture room, for almost everyday for this past 7 semesters.
suicide. thats what the conclusion by the police even the investigation still continue until now.
why we cant believe it? 
because we know u. a quite person. motivational person. a good leader.
how can an amazing person like u are can choose this path?
we almost finish what we have started 4 years ago . we almost graduate. we almost get to be the people tat we want to be. just a little bit to endure. but...
seriously, not words can describe it. itz really breaks our heart..

*sorie tak mampu cari yang dlm bm. kata kunci berita: mayat dijumpai dalam longkang hostel usm*

tiada kata mampu diucap. segulung simpati buat keluarga n orang tersayang. semoga kuat. awan teduh, hujan dan mendung hari ni. seakan-akan memahami keteduhan n kesedihan hampir kesemua pelajar farmasi. terutama pelajar tahun akhir. how can we not sad? we are like a family. we are pharmily right?  facebook, twitter, wechat penuh dengan update. kata2 semangat n ucapan..

betapa singkatnya hidup kita kan? orang yang kita jumpa. baru jumpa. dan tiba2 dapat tau, yang kita tak kan jumpa dia lagi..

why i'm not stable? why i'm so cold? bcoz i'm afraid.
the 'gudbye' will be the last gudbye. the things that need to be clarify cannot be done.
what need to be spoken out cannot be tell. 

sekarang ni kami sibuk. sibuk untuk kuatkan diri sendiri. sibuk untuk cuba bagi kekuatan untuk orang2 yang kita sayangi. we have each other. yes! the most important things we have HIM right? 
we know that HE will never let we fall forever right?
thank you my dear frens, family, coursemates, roomate.
itz true itz not easy to go through the pain and pressure that we got for these past 3 years and a half
i know i can stand here today because the strength u gave me. the strength that ALLAH gave me thru all of u.
ALLAH gave me pain, sickness, failure, sad and finally He gave me many people that will help me to overcome all of that. so what other things that i can ask from HIM?
HE already give me everything.
tragedi hari ni benar2 menyedarkan kami. betapa singkatnya hidup kita. 
hargailah mereka sementara masih ada. 
sebab kita tak tau adakah esok masih ada buat kita. 
adakah orang tu akan still ada dengan kita.

For John Yip Kar Yong. our condolences to all ur family, friends and all ur beloved ones. 


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