15.8.2019

its started to be harder to become 'ourself' but it seems more harder to become 'other self'

Be strong my dear

My special writing for my special friend. u know who u are and i know u will read this piece of my writing
For not be a able to calm u down I'm so sorry For not be able to be beside u when u are in tears I'm so sorry To can't be beside u to hear your sorrow I'm so sorry
Only Allah knows how break my heart it is when i know i can't do anything for u Only Allah knows how hurt my heart it is when i know the tears coming down ur face
N for the first time i can't find the right words and right sentences for calm u down for that i'm really sorry
Last time we promised. I promised To be beside u to hear your sadness like u did for me before when happiness can't find me To find the right words to calm n cheer u up like u did to me before when i failed to know what smile it is To hold your hands n said its okay ALLAH still loves u like u did to me before when myself started to blame HIM
I tried my best to do all the things but finally in the end everything is failed. n for that reasons i do blame myself and i'm so sorry.. But here is my words
Allah never ever let us down. He will never ever let us alone in the dark Allah never promise that life will be easy But He do promise that He will be with us in every steps in our life
I know.  Today will be hard,  Tomorrow will be hardest. But do remember. the rain n dark which covered the sky will finally let the sun to bring its shine just exactly like our day, ALLAH gives us 1001 reasons to cry but He also gives us 1001 reasons to smileSo keep smiling. as He always watching. 

People and Darkness

I like to write, something that can make me calm is when my fingers can speak out the words from my heart but there are always time when the tears comes out earlier than expected n the heart hurt before the fingers can calm the heart n lately times becomes the barrier i wish one day i will not forger how calm it is when i can let the fingers to calm my heart
People. they easily can see the other people in the light. but ever u see someone who can see u in the dark n people ask me, how to see other people in the dark? n how can that ability can save and calm other people n why we need to do that.
People. there will be a time when sorrow surround their day but for some people they can show their sorrow on their face they hide it in the their smile
Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. I still wish. i still hope. there will be a time where people can see other people's tears  behind other people's smile they can see the present of other person despite the darkness of the day they can hold other peoples hand who gasping for the air of hope.
If. one day u can see that people. u ever known this type of people hold their hand. n tell them please. stay in my story of life because only your shining presents can give the light to my darkness day.
If and only if u know that person Love them until the last of the breatth because maybe they will be the first and last time u ever known that that type of people..

Life Changes

Dear my diary aka my blog Lately i'm wondering what the people wants and expected in other people. did they expected that all people to be perfect like they are? or did they expected all people can become exactly like they wanted? people have weakness. and sometimes they do learned and tried to change not to change to become exactly like people around them wanted but to change to be a better person but sometimes also changes need an effort, support n time n when people around them who expected changes without considering this factors the changes becomes hard  n finally the people who initially wants to changes be hurt so please before u want to change people understand them. then support them even when they do the little things that still hurt u still understand they have tried. n trying demands time and sacrifice coretan hati luahan rasa iza_raskitar taman sentosa, taiping perak

Thank you

Some of beutiful people that I met during my journey
they are not coming in promise
they are not coming with a warn
they even not the people that I have known for years
but they are people that lighting the sorrow of life in taiping
never imagine in my life before a short welcoming event finally become a deep relationship.

siapa kata hidup jauh itu mudah
siapa kata hidup sendiri itu indah
tapi tatkala hati mengeluh memikirkan masa depan
tika itu Dia menyisipkan bunga kebahagian di sebalik kehadiran mereka
Dia kirimkan sebuah ceritera suka duka pahit manis bersama mereka

ceritera suka yang bisa memberikan dirimu sebuah senyuman

ceritera duka yang bisa mengingatkan mu tentang realiti kehidupan

cerita pahit agar pengajaran itu tetap bersamamu

ceritera manis yang bisa memberikan dirimu sebuah kenangsn terindah

supaya nanti suatu hari nanti kau berani melantangkan
Allah tidak meletakkan jalan menuju kejayaan itu dengan semata duri. sebaliknya akan Dia selitkan bunga2 keindahan

andai satu hari nanti perpisahan menanti
ku tahu kata2 itu akan sangat berat untuk diungkapkan
tetapi ketahuilah
sebuah kenangan itu tidak akan pudar di sebalik ucapan perpisahan

terima kasih

untuk masa terluang

terima kasih

untuk kata2 membina

terima kasih

untuk tangan yg menggapai

terima kasih 

memori tercipta

terima kasih 

untuk semua. 

Deeply hurt inside

jika air mata itu bisa berbicara. nescaya ia berkata. tidak puas2 lagikah dirimu membiarkan diriku mengalir. dan tika itu jawapanku hanya satu. tiada pilihan bagiku. hanya dirimu yang terus setia menemaniku.
#deeplyhurtinside #onlyHEknowsthetruth #makemestrongYaALLAH

Feel grateful

Sometimes there are times that unintentionally, without realizing i have asked Him

Why He do this to me? For what i have done why i still cant get what i want.

Why others can get but not me? Why He kept testing me?

Why the world so unfair to me?

I know itz hurt. Itz hurt me as well.

Without me myself realize i do a cruel sin.

I didnt accept qada' and qadar written by Him

How sinfull person i am.

Forgive me ya Allah.

I've kept repeating my mistake.

Even i know You already promise

He will give me the best. Not the best that i want, but the best that i should get

I teach myself, to be positive.

I tell myself that Allah have better plan for me,

I trust it because i have seen it.

I have seen a person. Who are for me is a very hardworking and amazing person

Which in my mind either i cant be like that person

But, unfortuntely that person didnt get what that person want..

I'm shocked. I'm feel to low. Why? I didnt do as much as that person did but i get what i want

Without other persons realizing, i kept trace about that person

What happened to that person after that.

Yeah. That person never give up. Becase that person trust on fate! That person will get what that person want. Maybe not now but later.

After few years, i feel like want to know what happened to that person.

Alhamdulillah, finally that person success. 

Success that maybe none of us will predict that person will finally success

Not in term of very successful yet but success.

Itz enough right? Why u should asked more if little is already enough?

Trust Him. Accept what He give now. Never give up. And always. Always. Think positive.

Doesnt mean that He didnt answer u now, He will not answer u forever,

Doesnt mean He didnt give what u want today, He will not give it to u forever,

He will. If itz good for u, but He wouldnt if it is bad for u. But trust Him. He will give better things for u as a replacement. 

So, for what reasons u must complaining 1001 things to Him? 

Feel grateful. Be thankful. The life that He give to us already are meaningful and priceless.

And without realizing, actually we already asked too much from Him.

So, its a good thing right if we can find some time to say 'Alhamdullilah' to him rather than complaining and blaming to Him? 

"Amount"

as a human. as a normal human there always be a time when we did not satisfied with what we have we start complaining about 1001 stuffs in our life. feeling that what we get is the lowest. the other persons is better n from that we start blaming. to all people around us. and sometimes to HIM
then. what should we do? be GRATEFUL ALLAH already give everything to us. but maybe not in the way that we want not in the portion that we ask but, still the "amount" will be the same how about us? did we give HIM the same "amount" HE should get from us? ask ourself. answer ourself.
Ya ALLAH, ikhlaskan hatiku. tetapkan imanku. tetapkan niatku. disebalik doa, keikhlasanlah yang ku pohon kerana ku tahu. tiap langkahkah, tiap ibadahku, tiap amalanku. tanpa keikhlasan, ibarat mencurah air ke daun keladi. tiada kesannya. di hatiku. di tempat Mu dan aku tetap berada di tempat sama. bantu aku ya ALLAH. bantu mereka ya ALLAH. sesungguhnya tiap langkahku selalunya mereka akan meninggalkan kesan agar diriku bertambah baik dari sehari ke sehari. jadikan aku dia n mereka. hamba-hambaMu yang senantiasa bersyukur agar tiap langkah, ibadah n amalan kami senantiasa mendapat redha Mu ya ALLAH..

i'm soo sorry

complicated feelings of mine, that is who i am. kadang2 betul dalam percakapan kita kena hati2. sebab tanpa sedar adakalnya ia melukai walaupun ia bukanlah niat di hati. for those who involved.
i'm so sorry.. even how much i wish i did not hurt anybody, but still i kept repeating my mistake. i'm so sorry when without me n myself realize i kept make people touched n hurt with what i'm doing. but please. understand me. as a human sometimes i cant help it. my emotions controlled myself more than i can controlled it. i'm so sorry.. sometimes i make decision without thinking because maybe thinking too much make it more difficult. i'm so sorry when sometime i do something that is no one can predicted. but trust me, most of the time my decisions. my steps. my choices. i have another reasons behind it. for what reasons i'm doing it. which sometimes i cant tell what is it which sometimes i did not want to put too much hope on it n which sometimes i just like making surprise.
rasa sedih n syahdu bila fikir tadi dah kelas terakhir.  kelas terakhir untuk degree bpharm ni n mungkin kelas terakhir sampai bila2 la kot. master? not in my mind for now. sweetness, sourness, bitterness n etc during these 4 years. teach me a lot. which maybe become the best memories in my life.
u dont need 1000 pictures in ur hand to remember all the memories when u already have 1 in ur heart.
with love: iza_raskitar 22 may 2014

Things i want to ask

if there are something that i can ask for. 2 things that i need: 1. please do not treat me like someone else different. treat me like who i am. i am the same person, yesterday today n insyaALLAH tomorrow. so, please do not treat me like this 2. please do not be there for me. be there with me. it will be different. i dont need people to be there for something. i just need people to be there with me, so that we can do something together. 
#finalsem #finalyear #bpharm #usm #studentslifeendsoon

Medicine?me?no?

Yesss. I am the laziest person when it comes to take the medicine. (Wlaupun rasa macam banyak benda lagi aku malas). Pharmacist ke tak itu belakang kira.. Gituuu..

I hate to take the medicine. Thats the fact. It was a good thing when people can 'force' me to take it without me willing to do that. (Sebab kadang2 memang dah sakit yang tak tertahan tu, atau takut makin teruk)

Even my parents will choose to see me take the medicine in front of them because they absolutely do not trust me when it comes about taking the medicine. Haha!!!

Please do not feel weird why i am choosing this course even me myself was the worse person with compliance. Pandai nasihat, buat takkk,,, gagaga

I have tried!

i tried. seriously i tried. even i felt that its useless. nothing different. nothing changes. but most important things i have tried right? *tears falling down* ya ALLAH.. for now.for this time. i think this is one of my biggest challenge that u have given to me. even i do not know what will happen in future. i just want one thing ya ALLAH.. everything will be 'easier' for me.. even itz actually hurt and breaks my heart soo much. deep inside.
"HE never promise that life would be easy, but HE promise to go through with you. in every steps in my life"
akan tiba satu masa nanti,kita cuba melihat kehadapan. memberi harapan pada diri sendiri. memberi keyakinan pada diri sendiri. meskipun terdapat seribu rintangan yang melanda. masih terdapat satu jalan yang bebas dr rintangan meskipun satu dunia memandang sebaliknya masih terdapat seseorang yang memandang kebenarannya.
ya ALLAH jika benar kata2 itu pengungkap rasa berikan aku kekuatan untuk mencari kata2 itu. agar dapat aku bisikkan apakah sebenarnya yang terjadi tetapi aku tau ya ALLAH.. meski sehebat mana kata2 itu meski seindah mana puisi itu. tiada satu pun dapat mengungkap apakah sebenarnya yang terungkap hati
KAU memahami ya ALLAH KAU Maha Mengetahui. sedikit masa saja lagi ya ALLAH. kuatkan aku.. jadikan hatiku cekal secekal hati yang pernah KAU pinjamkan dahulu agar aku tidah jatuh sebelum ke garisan penamat.
:( :( :(

The eyes. The secret.

Allah knows u r tired. Allah knows itz difficult. But always remember that He will never put u in the situation that u can't handle.

Yes, i know. In what situation i realize. Itz a reason behind why i was put into that situation.

I'm afraid that sometimes without me realize, the words doesnt come into my mind anymore.

For this past few years. For all the pain. For all the sickness.

I try to keep it inside my heart. 

I learned how to 'lie' about my feelings.

I tell myself to smile even the heart is crying. Even myself was suffering.

I make it diificult to anyone to read me.

Even to see the pain inside my eyes

But i know sometimes i failed.

Eyes has the amazing powers. It can tell u the secret that u want to hide it tightly

And also it cant lie sometimes.

Even u learn to be a good liar.

Dear eyes.

Please for this time, help me.

Now. U learn to prevent me from telling lies to the others

Even how struggle i am to kept the secret. To hide the true story.

Please for this time. Help me,

Help me so that nobody will see..

The truth. The pain, the sadness. 

That we, together have successfully hidden it for a long. Time.

a picture. a memory

one day u will be surprise how amazing a picture can be in future. in our life tak tau kenapa, rasa makin sedih bila nak habis u ni. nak keluar u ni, sedangkan sebelum ni tak sabar sangat nak habis degreee. nak habiskan kepenatan, ke'tension'nan dan yang sewaktu dengannya. tapi sekarang entah kenapa, bila tengok gambar2 bersama balik, rasa sangat sebak. sebak sebab mungkin kita tak jumpa orang yang sebaik mereka itu sebab sebab mungkin memori yang terlukis tidak seindah memori itu sebak sebab mungkin rasa sayang antara sahabat itu tidak sekuat itu
sekarang berfikir betapa cepatnya masa berlalu. seakan-akan hanya baru kerdipan mata pertama berlaku  imbasan hari pertama selalu bermain. mula2 interview. mula2 orientasi. mula2 kenal senior. mula2 kenal pensyarah. mula2 kenal pharmacy. n sekarang. tak lama lagi. bakal berakhir. rindu. sayang. sebak. macam tu la kot, perasaan sekarang. betul la orang kata kita hanya akan menghargai sesuatu bila kita kehilangannya. tapi sekarang ni belum hilang dah sebak apa cerita? *blurry face*
i know one day when i saw our pictures again, together, i will cried. i 'hate' this feelings. the feelings when i feel too close with someone. because i know one day they will leave me, in any situation, i 'hate' this feelings the feelings when people around take a good care about me because i know one day i will need their 'care' to move on, to wake up back i 'hate' this feelings the feelings when i love people around me because one day i know i will miss them more than i ever thought.
but deep inside my heart, i know all the feelings that i 'hate' is somehow the feelings that make my life colorful. make my day more meaningful. n i know the 'great pictures' inside my heart with them was created with those feelings.  thank you. deep inside my heart. for being a part of my 'great pictures'
*smile with tears*
#bpharm #memories #finalsem #finalyear #willendsoon #gonnamissthemomories #gonnamissthem 

She is my twin. =)

my delayed post. i decided to post or write something about person around me as their birthday present. somehow, my 'busy' time avoid me to do it.  i supposed to post another 'story; today but since i have another delayed 'story', so we will settle it one by one.  i want to write everything. i'm afraid one day, i will forget the 'sweetness' itz not that i will forget them. itz just that i love read the story about them if i let it few years more, maybe the story cant be written as sweet as now.  =) =) =)

she has the fewest photo in my phone either in my ipad. susah nak culik tangkap gambar. 

lepas ni mungkin kena culik banyak sikit. heeee..

sebabkan nama kami hampir sama 

norlina=norliza

so, memang selalu la bila bahagi partner n kumpulan kita akan bersama.

twin gituuu..

she was a calmest person that i have ever met

which sometimes i wish i can be calm like her

she was one of strongest person that i have ever known

which make me sometimes, quietly without her or anyone knowing, i'll try to borrow some of her strength

she was one of the person that can keep her feeling deep inside her heart

which sometimes i feel that i'm not a good friend when i cant see the darkness inside her eyes.

thank you for always listen to my annoying stories.

thank you for always smile with my childish behavior

thank you for always patient with me when working with me

thank you for always give ur hand anytime when i need a help

but thank you in the first place for being a good n kind friend to me

sometimes u dont need 1001 comforting words.

what u need is only 1 words at the right time itz heals.

time heals but there are also something that really needs a lot of time to heal.

but with some words it accelerate the healing.

sometimes u are come out with 1001 comforting words.

but sometimes actually there are words that u want to hear from any person

which in the end maybe u still didnt get it

"sometimes 1000 words also cannot describe the heart. sometimes u miss someone that u can talk to soo much until when that person already in front of u but u suddenly become speechless. why? because u try to fill the short time left with the words that can describe all the feeling."

Hepy Besday Nabilah

disebabkan saya rajin nak buat karang, hari ni saya akan buat satu lagi karangan.
for my dear..

hepy birthday to my gorgeous, beutiful, kind and loving friend. (kat ig nak taip banyak sangat tak ada idea, kita sambung sini la yer)

disebabkan i tak ada hadiah untuk u, i buat ni sebagai hadiah hokay

sebagai tanda kasih sayang, gituuuu....

for this past few years,

thank you for being like a 'mum' to me

nagging me about 1001 things so that i will not repeat my mistake

thank you for being like a 'sister' to me

be with me, listen to me even when i'm in my weakest state

thank for being a good counselor to me

who give me 1001 advice which the words always touch my heart

thank for everything..

andai kata2 mampu mengungkap segala rasa hati, nescaya jejari akan terus menari

andai ceritera mampu melukis rahsia hati, nescaya akan ku layarkan sebuah kisah hati ini.

gituuuuu....

everyone have their past, make mistake, make a wrong choice.

we fall, we wake up and we run again. 

even we fall again, it doesnt matter as along as we get up as soon as possible

itz not our fault the destiny is not the same with what we want, itz not HIS fault either

thats are NO ONE fault.

itz just a life. a life that need us to make a sacrifice.to fall, to success, to fail but then to get up again.

why?

so that we can be a better person, a strongest person than before.

let it go, look forward and never give up

ALLAH has write u a better plan that until now we dont know

HE make u fall so that in the future the happiness will taste tastier and better than we could imagine

that past, let it go, dont hold it anymore

itz hurt and itz more painful when we still hold it

heals take times.

times will heals.

u will never be alone. 

i cant be a person who will solve ur problem, ur sadness..

but quietly i will try to follow u, 

so that i know when u need my shoulder

i will be beside u,

to give u a hand when u need me.

i'll always ask why HE give me this destiny

why HE give me pain, failure and sadness

but i dont realize

ALLAH has give me a lot of beautiful person with me

so, for what reason i'm not feel grateful to HIM

seeing a story behind a story

and then u will smile.

how beautiful story that ALLAH already create and write for me..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NABILAH.

ME LOVE U.

WE LOVE U.

MAY ALLAH BLESS U ALWAYS..

MAY ALLAH BE BY URSIDE, TODAY, TOMORROW, FOREVER.

<3 <3 <3

A judgement

A JUDGEMENT.. a thing that some people cant even tolerate it even some people can. me? hmm. some time yes but some time i can be a 'person' who are always thinking about what people talk about me.  thats me. in and out, i'm happy with who i am.
i'm maybe sometimes do not care what i was wearing. thats my cloths. as long as i covered my aurah, what rights that people have to complain my cloths? i'm maybe sometimes do not care what i was doing. i'm not doing something that illegal. i'm not doing something that lower my dignity. n i'm not doing things that will disturb anybody.  as one my lecturer have told, just do it. dont be shame. itz not like u will met that person again. if yes, they are your family or friend, what u should worried about? they should accept who ever u are. thats my principle.
accept me who ever i am. tell me if i'm doing wrong, so i can improved but please do not judge me.. i cant be other person. because i'm happy with myself.
#self reminder. for me. for u. for us. for all# 

31 March 2014

i know i should not open my blog tonite. i should not write anything tonite. i should prepare for my clerkship tomorrow. i should sleep early to go to hospital tomorrow. i know that. i realize that.  but the news that we got this afternoon about tragedy last nite make my heart, my mind refuse to do what i should do.  we cant accept it. we cant realize it. seriously we cant. all of us. u are with us before, for almost 4 years. even we are not talking too much but we are under the same lecture room, for almost everyday for this past 7 semesters. suicide. thats what the conclusion by the police even the investigation still continue until now. why we cant believe it?  because we know u. a quite person. motivational person. a good leader. how can an amazing person like u are can choose this path? we almost finish what we have started 4 years ago . we almost graduate. we almost get to be the people tat we want to be. just a little bit to endure. but... seriously, not words can describe it. itz really breaks our heart..

*sorie tak mampu cari yang dlm bm. kata kunci berita: mayat dijumpai dalam longkang hostel usm*

tiada kata mampu diucap. segulung simpati buat keluarga n orang tersayang. semoga kuat. awan teduh, hujan dan mendung hari ni. seakan-akan memahami keteduhan n kesedihan hampir kesemua pelajar farmasi. terutama pelajar tahun akhir. how can we not sad? we are like a family. we are pharmily right?  facebook, twitter, wechat penuh dengan update. kata2 semangat n ucapan..

betapa singkatnya hidup kita kan? orang yang kita jumpa. baru jumpa. dan tiba2 dapat tau, yang kita tak kan jumpa dia lagi..

why i'm not stable? why i'm so cold? bcoz i'm afraid.

the 'gudbye' will be the last gudbye. the things that need to be clarify cannot be done.

what need to be spoken out cannot be tell. 

sekarang ni kami sibuk. sibuk untuk kuatkan diri sendiri. sibuk untuk cuba bagi kekuatan untuk orang2 yang kita sayangi. we have each other. yes! the most important things we have HIM right? 

we know that HE will never let we fall forever right?

thank you my dear frens, family, coursemates, roomate.

itz true itz not easy to go through the pain and pressure that we got for these past 3 years and a half

i know i can stand here today because the strength u gave me. the strength that ALLAH gave me thru all of u.

ALLAH gave me pain, sickness, failure, sad and finally He gave me many people that will help me to overcome all of that. so what other things that i can ask from HIM?

HE already give me everything.

tragedi hari ni benar2 menyedarkan kami. betapa singkatnya hidup kita. 

hargailah mereka sementara masih ada. 

sebab kita tak tau adakah esok masih ada buat kita. 

adakah orang tu akan still ada dengan kita.

For John Yip Kar Yong. our condolences to all ur family, friends and all ur beloved ones. 

Decision

dont judge a person due to their decision there will be a time when they have to make a decision  that maybe none of us can understand  why they made that decision sit in my shoes and said i shouldn't do that be with me when the problem comes along with me find the solution or at least give me a way out. if u can't please do not ask me to change my decision. because there will be a time when u need to be selfish u need to think of urself because sometimes urself need some space, some chance, some reward. to make sure that u will never give up in the future. itz very sad when it comes a moment there are no one around u that u can ever trusted a person that u can ask for their opinion a person that u can share ur problem sincerely i know i'm not a good person. i know a happiness can come when we are giving someone else their happiness. for that reasons, i will never give up put a smile in someone else faces even i know i cant hope to get it from them back. so, please, do not look me bad just because i tried to find my own happiness. at least give me some chances to grab my own happiness at least...

Changes need time

changes need time sorang tu takkan boleh berubah mendadak dalam sekelip mata semua perlukan masa. insyaALLAH niat baik akan ALLAH cukupkan masa tu sebab masa Allah yang pegang. takdir Allah yang tulis. jadi asalkan kita buat yang terbaik ke arah yang betul, dah ok kot. orang lain tak perlu judge rasanya. sebab semua yang berlaku nescaya DIA ada niat disebaliknya. mengapa n kenapa terjadi begitu. bila dan dimana DIA akan takdirkan sesebuah peristiwa itu. p/s: do not hate them because they are not changes. but ask them did they try to changes. if yes, n they cant changed, its ur fault because u ignore them and not helping them. n if they said no. its still ur fault. why? u are not even 'TRY' to help them, guide them to the truth. so, did u still have the reasons to look bad on them and hate them?